Why the “F” Bomb Shouldn’t Be Dropped

By Mike Myatt, Chief Strategy Officer, N2growth

I recently read an interesting article on The Wall Street Journal discussing the use of colorful language in business settings. It prompted me to re-post an earlier piece I authored on the same subject. While both perspectives cover some of the same ground, the article in The Journal hedges a bit too much for my taste. You’ll find my piece a bit more direct and firm in expressing there is NEVER a good time to drop the F-bomb.

Okay, I know business is far less formal today than in times past. I understand many people are more tolerant of colorful language than they used to be. In fact, some even encourage the use of profanity as a means of being true to one’s authentic self. Case in point – The Journal article stated: “Deployed at the right moment and in the right setting, a well-chosen curse word can motivate a team, dissolve tension or win over an audience.” If you can’t motivate a team, dissolve tension or win over an audience without cursing, then I would suggest your toolbox might be a bit light. Call me old school if you will, but I don’t buy any of the aforementioned arguments as legitimate in supporting the use of indiscreet, inappropriate, and unprofessional language.

Before I go any further, let me state for the record that I’m not a prude, nor am I a mama’s boy. I’ve traveled the world (23 countries and counting), spent years in athletic locker rooms, served in the military, and have been in my fair share of interesting places. I’m also not going to come at this topic by presenting a religious argument, or from the perspective of academic elitism. That said, I am going to tell you what I think of the value of possessing a great vocabulary. Moreover, I will comment on what I believe to be appropriate and inappropriate use of speech, and I’ll do it all without pulling any punches.

While today’s rant has been brewing for quite some time, the following thoughts spawned from the regretfully sad reality there is virtually no public place you can venture into without being subjected to someone’s total lack of verbal courtesy. If that isn’t bad enough, the use of vulgarity has pervaded the business world to the extent you’re hard pressed to get through the day without having to deal with it in some form or fashion. As a leader, is this acceptable to you? It is not to me.

I recently viewed a YouTube video of a very highly regarded speaker, and simply could not believe the presentation was so heavily laced with profanity. The powerful message being espoused was only weakened by the sloppy and offensive language that was so unnecessarily inserted. It’s been my experience the best leaders and professionals have no need for the use of profanity. Here’s a thought…a leader should strive to inspire, motivate and challenge others to a better and greater end, but never should a leader dilute their message to the lowest common denominator.

Stop for a moment and consider this – even if you don’t feel the use of profanity is offensive, I guarantee you someone within earshot definitely does. So my question is this: is it more important to you to exercise your personal discretion (indiscretion??), or to exercise consideration for others? Here’s the cold hard truth – if you think your profanity isn’t offending anyone, you’re just plain wrong. It’s not a matter of whether or not I can handle it, because trust me when I tell you I’ve heard it all before, but why should my wife, daughter, mother, etc. have to endure it?

Does profanity even bother you in the slightest, or have you become so desensitized you don’t even notice what I’ve just described as being true? In this author’s humble opinion, there is absolutely no value whatsoever in coloring your verbal communications with expletives. As noted above I’ve seen a lot in my life, and experience has shown me the use of profanity typically boils down to an individual being guilty of having one or more of the following flaws:

  1. Lack of Intelligence: The English language offers us the choice of so many wonderful adjectives, analogies, abilities to paint word pictures and to use a variety of other descriptors, such that there is no need to substitute with expletives. The insertion of a four letter word for “emphasis” usually only points out the speaker lacks command of his/her vocabulary. Nothing flashes “stupid” like the use of profanity. Don’t make the mistake of appearing to be uneducated if you’re not.
  2. Laziness: We have all met bright people who swear. This usually means they either think they’re smarter than everyone else so people will put up with their use of profanity, or they have just fallen into a rut and are too lazy to work on improving their verbal communication skills. Either scenario is a negative label professionals should not desire to be tagged with.
  3. Poor Anger Management: People who are not quick on their feet, or do not possess adequate conflict resolution skills, often revert to profanity as a safety net of sorts. If all else fails, people who fall into this category resort to attempting to intimidate the other party with the use of profanity (see # 4 below). People identified as having anger management issues typically don’t reach their full potential without learning better skills. If you would rather spend your career advancing in the ranks, as opposed to spending time in counseling or coaching sessions, lose the profanity.
  4. Insecurity: People who lack confidence in themselves and/or their abilities often try to bolster other people’s perception of them by using off-color language as an attempt to feign strength and power. Here’s a tip…it doesn’t work. Profanity won’t intimidate anyone (at least not any worthy opponent), and will likely only lessen your image with the audience you are so desperately trying to impress.
  5. Socially Inappropriate Behavior: The show off, ego-maniac, substance abuser, the female trying to be “one of the boys” or the wannabe comedian are all examples of socially inappropriate behavior, which often times results in the use of profanity. Nobody likes a show-off, substance abuse is never a good thing, most people don’t find it appealing to associate with women who curse like the proverbial drunken sailor, and inappropriate jokes are more likely to get you a sexual harassment charge than a laugh. Even if you do elicit a brief chortle from your audience, they will likely not be left with the impression you were hoping for. Here’s a Myattism for you: “when in doubt, remember vulgarity doesn’t add value.”

Bottom line…few things make an impact, or lack thereof, like the words you allow to flow from your lips. Regardless of your station in life, vocabulary absolutely matters…It matters to an even greater degree for those in positions of leadership. I welcome your comments below, but remember that I’ll only publish those comments written without the use of expletives…

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan…

    I curse during presentations from time to time. (I try harder NOT to in the south.) I’m definitely at risk of all that you’re espousing here. And yet, here’s what I get back when I speak to people: they usually see the spot of passion from whence it came and they usually accept it as part of the storytelling.

    I guess I could temper what I say, but then, I’d be editing mid-stream what matters most to me and what I passionately believe about the future of business. Do I think curse words are a requirement? No. Do I think they REALLY belong in the boardroom? Probably not (I think they’re used quite often, when we’re being honest about what gets said inside the senior team meetings).

    I see your point. I think you’re probably right. I still won’t likely alter my course, given my current state of things. Maybe it’ll take some further external thinking to get there.

    Said more succinctly: you’re right; I have a potty mouth.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Chris:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and for your candor. While I understand your perspective, I have just found other ways to communicate passionately without running the risk of being offensive. While I encourage you to stay true to yourself, you have a great vocabulary, and I think your presentations would be even more powerful without the use of profanity. Think of it as a personal development challenge :) All the best Chris…

      Mike

  • http://www.nobrain-noheadache.com Erin

    I completely agree and was thinking of writing something along the same lines. The F bomb on Twitter annoys me which is weird I hear profanity all the time but it's like somebody yelling at me, as soon as I hear it I tune out or in the case of Twitter I unfollow, it's just not necessary. It shows a lack of respect for people who choose to follow you. Twitter/blogging is a social thing and I just don't think it's a social thing to just let loose when the mood arises in "public" it just seems juvenile to me, a way to say "Look at me and how cool I think I am"

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Erin –

      Thanks for your comment. Using profanity on Twitter, Facebook, video, etc., is simply broadcasting and archiving something that will likely be regretted later. Thanks for stopping by Erin.

  • http://aminulislam333.wordpress.com Sajib

    Maybe I'm missing at which point you are opposing Chris. The main post did not mention about Chris. Probably that's why I'm missing the point. :(

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Sajib:

      Chris and I simply have a point of departure on using profanity in a business setting. I admire and respect Chris and he has been nothing but kind and supportive to me – we just have a different perspective on the subject at hand.

  • Jeff

    Some fair points from a traditional point of view — generally speaking, I make every effort not to offend people just because it's nice to be nice.

    But the flaw in the argument for me is the premise that words are "bad." That is a silly construct. It insults my intelligence when people use a word like "friggin" under the guise that they are not using profanity.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Jeff:

      Two thoughts: 1.) from my perspective some word are "bad" or at least inappropriate, and; 2.) I never suggested substituting words like "friggin" as I agree they are most certainly silly, if not clumsy attempts to be cute, and probably should fall into the category of point number 1.

      Thanks for sharing Jeff…

  • Stefan Lubinski

    Wow! I rarely and I mean rarely read a blog post, and truly consider the points as they relate to me. I am a former professional speaker. I was known to be "rough around the edges" and often used profanity. In fact, I was often encouraged by the booker to "keep it real" and "let it go".
    I've often defended myslef along the lines that Chris discussed, but you know… I think I was wrong. Next week I turn forty, and I think I will consciously make a change to my use of profanity in professional settings. Of course I am in the Television business now… so maybe I shouldn't change my ways (Ari Gold anyone?).
    Thanks for this post. I think I am the better for reading it.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Stefan:

      Thanks for your comment and I'm glad you found the post helpful. Here are a couple of thoughts you might want to consider moving forward:

      - You don't have to use expletives to be edgy…Here's another post you might enjoy: http://www.n2growth.com/blog/do-you-have-an-edge

      - Every who receives a paycheck is a professional speaker. My point is that you're not a "former" professional speaker, you just speak professionally using a different platform today.

      Best wishes for continued success Stefan, and thanks for adding value to the conversation.

  • Jonathan

    I absolutely agree with you Mike. Certainly in the context of professional communication, it's impossible to justify vulgarity. I'd like to think I have a volcabulary of some depth, but I'm occasionally guilty of verbal laziness in close company.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Jonathan:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We're all guilty of verbal laziness at times. Where things can spiral out of control is when those minor indiscretions become the rule as opposed to the exception. Thanks for reminding us that we're all human and can improve. Best wishes Jonathan.

  • Tina

    My father said the same thing-boiled down to, if you curse you are showing your ignorance of the English language, period, and he would not tolerate that.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Thanks for sharing Tina. Your father was spot-on and my guess is that his high standards had a positive impact on your family. Best wishes Tina.

  • http://www.jamesstrock.com James Strock

    Very interesting post, Mike! Like you, I’m the far from a prude or a prig, yet I try not use profanity inappropriately. To me it all comes back to questions of who you’re serving and how you can best serve. There are circumstances, in my view, where targeted profanity can be evocative in effectively communicating an important point. Of course, the value of it may well be in part because it’s NOT something you do often or casually, so it is a compelling point of departure as well as emphasis.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Jim:

      Thanks for the comment. I concur with your focus on service, and also completely understand what you're communicating with regard to a targeted adding of emphasis. However I want to challenge your thinking on the latter point. Good communicators have so many tools at their disposal with regard to adding emphasis that profanity while an option, simply isn't the best option, nor is it really a good option. Let me give you a few examples. It is likely that dozens of more appropriate adjectives can more effectively replace the use of profanity. But let's take choice of descriptors off the table for a moment. Things as simple as a change in body posture, voice emphasis (tone, inflection, or volume), or facial expressions can be used very effectively and in my opinion even more powerfully. Some of this is a learned art, but in my opinion well worth the investment. Thoughts?

      • http://www.jamesstrock.com James Strock

        Rhett Butler's (Clark Gable's) words to Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh) at the climax of Gone With the Wind in 1939 were, in context, powerful. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," was regarded as profane–and it got the point across in the story and to the audience of the era.

        Today, of course, many people speak more like "Goodfellas," using the "f bomb" as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, etc. etc. This is self-indulgent and self-serving–if it serves anyone. It is a sign of communications troubles for sure.

        I think I'm on the same page with you as to the rule–profanity should be eschewed. That said, there may be exceptional circumstances where it can be valuable–just because it's so rarely used. I do mean exceptional in the true sense–a rare, rare occurrence.

        The final decision, in my way of thinking, depends on the needs of those you're serving. And, now and again, it may be what they need. George Patton's send off to the troops going to Normandy on Monday 5 June 1944 is my model on this.

        • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

          Hi Jim:

          I think we're on the same page as far as a general rule. What we're bantering back-and-forth at this point are really style preferences. My only caution to those reading this exchange is that Jim is one of the smartest people you'll ever come across, and his discernment is exceptional. My guess is that when he chooses to fire for effect he hits the target where many who attempt the same feat would miss the target by a country mile. The other trap of profanity is that it can all too easily become a habit, which then defeats the concept of selective use. Thanks for engaging Jim – I should know better than to debate someone who has me intellectually out muscled.

          • http://www.jamesstrock.com James Strock

            :-) Many thanks for your kind words Mike. My philosophy is to accept with gratitude kind words–even if they’re a bit too kind–it helps make up for criticism at other times that may be a bit too far the other way! :-) Also thanks for challenging all of us and getting us thinking on this!

          • http://www.jamesstrock.com James Strock

            PS I just accidentally gave my own comment a “like” by mistake when I was trying to figure out the system… oops, that’s embarrassing! :-) Please disregard that!

  • http://www.summitfiberglass.com Mike

    Mike, I think you are spot on with this post. As a former Marine Corps Sgt, I entered the professional world with quite a colorful set of adjectives. It wasn't long before I realized that my language was getting the way of my message. So I had to ask what we more important, being a "real" communicator or being a "really" good communicator. Maybe some people the ability to do both, but even good speakers with great content lose me with profanity.

    Mike

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Mike:

      I was going to say well said Sir, but since you worked for a living…:) All kidding aside, I couldn't agree more. Words do matter, and their significance is either magnified for positive benefit or for destructive use based upon the choices we make. I believe you have made the correct choice in becoming a really good communicator. Thanks Mike.

  • http://www.yourvoiceofencouragement.com Meredith Bell

    Mike, as I read your post, I was reminded of an interview I listened to recently. It was an interview Tony Robbins did with legendary basketball coach John Wooden almost 20 years. Coach Wooden NEVER permitted any of his players to use profanity in practice or on the court. Period. He felt there was never a situation where it was necessary, and I believe it was part of his character-building efforts.

    If we are truly committed to being clear communicators and relationship-builders, I think it’s wise to think about the potential impact of our choice of words on our listeners. It’s hard enough to connect with another human being without using expletives. Why risk alienating someone by using profanity?

    Bottom line: I think your points are on target for any public setting. I do have one friend, though, who keeps me in stitches in private conversations with the unexpected insertion of certain words. But that person is smart enough not to use those words in a group.

    • http://www.summitfiberglass.com Mike

      Thanks Meredith. Since the Coach is one of my favorite mentors (I would have loved the chance to meet him), your reminding me of his personal approach strengthens my resolve. Being a former Marine gives me plenty of opportunity to tell a colorful story in private or small settings and "pepper: it with the right sprinkling of language. But you are so right about the public setting..

      Thanks

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Great thoughts Meredith and Mike…Any example set by John Wooden is an example worth following. Many talk about leadership, but few have sustained it with both the elegance and success that John Wooden demonstrated.

  • http://www.addingitup.com Rod Watkins

    I fully applaud not only the basis of your position, but appreciate the pure honesty of it. As a blogger (admittedly a new one) I value the context of my voice at least as much as the content of my words.

    Clearly the regular use of “low” words reveals much about the speaker or writer who uses them. It is arguable, as you have done, that such “insight” does little to enhance the positive perception from their readers and/or audiences.

    But I think it is also important to recognize that most communication occurs in the vernacular, which itself is constantly changing. What’s “proper” is both subjective and fluid.

    Social Media has developed many unique expressions and vernacular, ways of effectively communicating. This has brought us such colorful acronyms as lol (laughing out loud), imho (in my humble opinion) and WTF, which we all know as well.

    So here’s the question we need to ask ourselves? “Does maintaining the King’s English jeopardize the potency of our communications, and if so then by how much? At what point do we need balance.

    Chris Brogan speaks in a voice that he’s comfortable with. But it is also a voice that resonates, so apparently it’s working. His messages are heard. People respond. Good stuff happens.

    Isn’t that the whole point?

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Hi Rod:

      Thanks for your comment, and yes, the results Chris has attained speak for themselves. Engaging in a manner that allows you to be heard with influence is precisely the point. That said, I still maintain that Chris or any other person with Chris' qualities would be even more successful (without losing their authentic voice) by obviating the expletives from their verbal repertoire. I'm always reminded of the old axiom: "just because you can doesn't mean you should." Thanks for adding value to the dialog Rod…

  • Karen Bice

    Mike, a well needed post, and a great one. I have to confess there are times I've used frickin on FB when I really wanted to say something else. I was flabbergasted a while back when a prominent blogger tweeted his wanting to use the word "douchebag" in his article's title. He ignored my tweet that most women would find it highly offensive. But then, in a public tweet, he said something about old people not tolerating words that are now considered part of our common vocabulary. I no longer follow him. Keep up the good work, Mike!

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog/ mikemyatt

      Thanks for the sharing your opinion Karen. Greatly appreciated as always…

  • Pingback: Adding It Up » Blog Archive » Genuine, Powerful Communications Must “Cut the Crap”

  • http://twitter.com/scott_elumn8 Scott Mabry

    All I can say is thank you. Sometimes I feel like it’s a badge of honor to be the one guy in the meeting not dropping an F bomb in every sentence.

    • http://www.n2growth.com/blog Mike Myatt

      My pleasure Scott.

  • Anand Garg

    Dear Mike:

    I am not a regular blogger but more of a “letter writer to the editor” from a very early age. At the outset, I must admit that many a senior leaders that I have had the fortune to work closely with and who have exceptional achievements to their credit, have resorted to profanity at some stage of the other. In fact, some are compulsive users of the F word in day to day business communication. While I whole heartedly support and appreciate your views in the matter  – strongly advising no profanity policy, I wonder how some of these senior leaders managed to reach where they did, despite consistent use of colourful language.
    On a personal front, I believe and practice a no F word policy during official conversations but no such restrictions during private and social conversations, discreetly though!  

  • http://www.shiftplanning.com/ Sara

    Once again nice post Mike!

    Use of words should be appropriate, that’s why
    it is said think before you speak rather in my opinion one should think twice. I
    love people using right words at right place at right time though I am not one
    of them but I wish if I could become…

  • Anonymous

    I do not have a limited vocabulary. My lexicon is extensive and growing all the time. There are occasions when the situation, the required emphasis and the audience mean that ‘****’ is the best word to use.  Do I really believe that? **** yes.

  • Angela

    While I’ve been called on the carpet several times for my use of profanity in the workplace and my personall life. I always chalked it up to the Industry I’m in, which is manufacturing, and all the men I’ve grown up around. In this very blue collar industry it is easy to get into bad habits. To the point that it has now permeated almost every conversation I have and I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
    After reading your post and several others comments, I am going to make a consciense effort to not use profanity. To do a test if you will if I can still be as effective without lowering my standards. Thanks for reminding me.

  • Jim

    I like what Red Barber said in one of his Morning Edition weekly interviews.  He said he never used foul language anywhere in his life because he didn’t want to slip and use bad language on a broadcast that would offend kids, women or anyone who didn’t want to hear it. 

    I wish I had his discipline.  Bad language is never good.  That’s why they call it bad.

  • Jennifer Loughran

    John Stewart uses it foul language all of the time I don’t think any of those description accurately portrays him.

  • Stew

    Generally, I think expletives should be avoided, but in an of themselves, swear-words are less offensive than none-expletive expressions of venom, spite or prejudice. Expletives can be used to great effect if used sparingly and wisely. People should not be “offended” by words, they should be more offended by malicious context.

    As the rather bright and mildly amusing Stephen Fry once said:

    ‘People claim offence as if that gives them certain rights. It’s no more than a whine. – “I find that offensive!” [They say], – it has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase… “I am offended by that!” – Well so F***ing what?’

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